i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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