even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
