I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
