im six kinds of drunk right now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize