he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize