I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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