I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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