I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
