Nicole vs. Life
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
