never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize