Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
