i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
