I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
