reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
