i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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