The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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