You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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