what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
