We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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