i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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