Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
