I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
