Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They took my balls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
