the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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