I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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