i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
