so explain again why im purple
no
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
