So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
