i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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