new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
