i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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