Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
