also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
