it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
