i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
