So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
