You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
