He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
