sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
