No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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