none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i love accidental penises.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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