It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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