The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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