I heard we made out
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
