Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
