She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
