We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.