There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my being single is dangerous.
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And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
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Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!