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• (818): View more from California

  I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Your an asshole

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Actually, it's "you're an asshole"

  (954): View more from Florida

  My point exactly

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

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  27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday

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• (716): View more from New York

  i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.

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  23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe

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• (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  God I adore you.

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• (408): View more from California

  I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..

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• (954): View more from Florida

  When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks

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