ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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