I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
