How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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