God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize