I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
