we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
