Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
