Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
