Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
