My brain says no but my pants say off.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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