tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
