im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's get the cat blown out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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