I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
