I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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