I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
