Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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