Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
