had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well you can't waste a boner
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
