What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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